He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Granted, it can be challenging to write affirmations, especially if you havent done it before. Its called tomorrow. A wishbone. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. I am calm, patient and at peace. How do astronomers organize a party? It just plain forms. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember. Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. 22. 250. Bill Murray You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. Leave me a if you agree! 177. 78. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. 6. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Ive got three bones. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. 246. 89. "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". 94. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. "Have a great Wednesday. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. Things are getting better all the time. Decomposing. 107. Chop your own wood. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor.. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. "Disconnect to connect.". 238. - Bette Midler. The best things in life are free. 181. I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. 254. At night, I cant fall asleep. Franklin Jones, 259. Not everyone has to like me. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. Some people are like clouds. 28. 202. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. I'm doing great. 185. I am capable of eating a family-sized bag of chips. 3. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. 135. 140. My cankles will hold me. 239. 25. Daily affirmation: your hair is so much better than it was in middle school., 2. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. Your habits become your values. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. 33. 1. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. 8. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. Not me, but somebody does. I feed my spirit. 229. Life is filled with highs and lows, stress and anxiety, so sometimes some funny and positive words will help you lighten up on an encouraging note. 260. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. Enjoy! Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. Theres life without Facebook and internet? "I receive what I believe.". I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. Those who snore always fall asleep first. Alison Boulter The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. 116. 267. 234. We have a connection. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! Using affirmations can significantly impact your outlook on life, but saying such serious statements to yourself can often make you feel silly. Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. You never run out of things that can go wrong. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. You can write them down and use them whenever you're attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. Art doesnt transform. Never take life seriously. Does it count if you say them in your mind? I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. Run. 193. George Burns ~ Bill Gates. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. If only common sense were more common. 124. I understand success cant happen overnight. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? 67. 151. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me., 12. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. 87. Art doesnt transform. 103. 2. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? 120. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. We frequently doubt ourselves. 125. 141. 112. The best things in life are free. Its a door, thats how they work. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? Bill Gates. 200. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. I tell you what always catches my eye. 91. 9. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. Envelope. 6. Bill Murray. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. 253. Because they make up everything. Because seven ate nine. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. Love your enemies. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. 166. 98. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. 75. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know Not a peli-cant. 251. 188. Breasts dont have eyes. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Absorb these 41 positive quotes and positive affirmations and start feeling positive now! 2. Helen Giangregorio. Microchips. 131. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. "If you see me talking to myself. 7. I am noticing that others are more drawn to me because I am funny. 8. "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". 76. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. My body deserves love. 92. My farts aren't nearly as bad as my dogs'. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. 2. Your words become your actions. Albert King. grateful. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Can February march? 64. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". 210. "Your mistakes don't define you.". 115. The thing is, I am still getting ready. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. You deserve it! I choose to stop obsessing about my body. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? 56. 52. I am quite fascinating. 20. It makes them so damned mad. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. happy. I am constantly growing and improving. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 75. 7. This is a snap. 8. Don't forget to be awesome. 21. 203. - Irish Saying. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Why did the school kids eat their homework? What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? And in that moment I swear I still didn't give a shit. Effective pushing often involves poop. You were too lazy to read that number. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Charles M. Schulz. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. With a cowculator. Really? 166. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. Oh sheet! "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". Sam Levenson Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. 218. 206. 133. "We . Edward A. Murphy Use this space for describing your block. It doesn't make sense to dwell on things you can't do anything about. Jonathan lockwood huie. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. 73. I receive what I believe. I dont think thats a coincidence. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be miserable., 7. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. 150. I didnt want to interrupt her. You never run out of things that can go wrong. All you need is love. We have divided these daily funny affirmations in these sections; Also check out our post ondaily affirmations for womenandaffirmations for menthat can help you to feel motivated and reshape your limiting beliefs. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. I'm having a staff meeting.". Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. I am strong and getting stronger every day. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. 101. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. Funny affirmation quotes funny quotes about affirmation. 171. Gary Delaney, 248. They planet. 9. Bill Murray, 260. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from inside. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top. Short Positive Affirmations set the pace for your day. - Kyle Chandler. Im like a postage stamp. I am grateful for that time. 141. 119. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. 259. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? 223. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". 2. 213. 5. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. 104. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. 2. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. Socrates. 137. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. 228. 252. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. Life is becoming easier and less serious. To conclude this list of funny affirmations, heres a few that are specifically focused around work. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Positive music, resilience, inner strength and a growth mindset lead to success!. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. When life closes a door, just open it again. 36. My jokes do. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. You wanna know who Im in love with? Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. 178. Exercise? Roy Lichtenstein. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. They allow you to focus on the positive and what is working in your life rather than dwelling on the negative. Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. 220. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. Ive been doing nothing for years. 169. A wishbone. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. You wanna know who Im in love with? They shape our present and have an impact on our future. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. I am adventurous. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Read next: 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset, Posted on Published: January 26, 2023- Last updated: January 27, 2023, Home 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, Fabulous List Of 120 Cute Names To Call Your Crush, 120 Follow Your Dreams Quotes To Keep You On The Track. Swimming trunks. Any text will do. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. 66. "I make people laugh, whether it's with me or at me.". I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. 162. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. 97. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? Exercise? If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. I love my job only when Im on vacation. Dont worry about those who talk behind your back, theyre behind you for a reason., See also: The Best List Of 130 People Talk Behind Your Back Quotes. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. 46. If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. Life always offers you a second chance. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. - F. 5. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me., 8. Good morning! We need to hear a pin drop. I understand people talking about me. 262. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. Nothing, they just waved. 54. Affirmations can be written in a journal, spoken out loud, or visualized as a conversation between you and money. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. A gummy bear. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. You were too lazy to read that number. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. Take a look! Unit #2007 Mahwah, NJ 07430, 50 Funny Affirmations for Confidence, Motivation, and Self-Love, 39 Movies about Friendship and Being with Great People, Relationship OCD: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Treat, 45 Best Hobbies for Couples to Share Together, 51 Passion Project Ideas & Examples List for 2023, 21 Best Films That Explore Mental Illness, 41 Words of Encouragement for Someone in Jail, The 5 Best Vitamins for Anxiety (Our 2023 Review), 101 Toxic People Quotes to Stay Away from Negativity, 57 Strong Mom Quotes About Being a Powerful Parent, 7 Steps to Deal with Emotionally Unavailable Parents, 35 Best Songs About What Its Like to Have Anxiety. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. 245. 100. Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. Required fields are marked *. 194. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Nothing, they just waved. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? 90. I thought you said extra fries. What is Mozart doing right now?